Dear Diary
by khatzdaax3
Summary: Kanata walks down memory lane to a particular incident. Him, Miyu and a diary.


Disclaimer: I am not Mika Kawamura and I do not own Daa! Daa! Daa! (Man! i wish i did! =P)

Title: Dear Diary.

Summary: Kanata walks down memory lane to a particular incident. Him, Miyu and a diary.

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><p>"So Mr. Saionji, you're saying that in order for a relationship to work, both parties have to share and confide in each other?" the reporter asked as he scribbled down in his notepad.<p>

"Mr Saionji?" he repeated looking up.

"Ah! I mean yes, I'm sorry" I replied suddenly as though being woken up from a dream.

"Anything the problem, Mr Saionji? you seemed to have remembered something prior to the question?", the reporter asked keenly while raising his notepad ready to write down whatever he was going to hear next.

"Oh no no, just a temporary lapse of attention, late nights at work is taking its toll on me" I said while giving a chuckle.

Slightly disappointed but not showing any emotion, the reporter finished the last of his sentence without looking up.

"Well then Mr. Saionji, I guess that's the end of the interview, thank you for taking time off your busy schedule for this." the reporter stood up taking his briefcase. He pulled out his hand and flashed a smile.

"It's no problem and thank you too for being patient while I answer all the questions." I said also standing up and shaking the hand in front of me flashing him the same smile.

"I'll see you out then"

"Ah, its okay Mr. Saionji, you don't have to trouble yourself, don't want to take up more time off this busy business man" the reporter chuckled while exiting via the door.

I gave a smirk while looking at the reporter leaving. Falling back on my swivel chair, I rested my head on the headrest of the chair. It was the evening of a busy Friday and I had just finished an interview with the Daily Journal, a business magazine which features interviews of young and successful entrepreneurs. The interview was regarding my business and private life. Not to brag but pretty much, everyone from other businessmen to girls drooling over my looks alike were curious on how I juggles the two parts of my life. Truth to be told, it was never easy.

It was true when I said that the late nights had taken a toll on me but it was not because of that I lost concentration but because of a certain memory which had suddenly popped up on my mind after I answered the last question. But before I could further reminisce, the reporter had jolted me to reality.

With a chuckle, I closed my eyes as I allowed myself to walk down memory lane to that particular memory that was etched in my mind.

olOlolOlolOlo

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><p><em>Mood:Confused<em>

_Dear Diary,_

_I know it's been a long time since I wrote in you but I really felt that I needed to tell someone my problem...and I immediately thought of you...so yea this is how my problem goes..._

_It's about Miyu...Nope! She's not the problem...the issue here is whether have I been a good...you know...a good boyfriend to her...mainly because I don't hug her, I don't kiss her, heck I don't even hold her hands in public...well, aren't these what normal boyfriends do right?_

_I know I can do all this but, I don't know why but I just can't..._

_But the thing is that Miyu doesn't complain and THAT is the problem...If she was any other girl, she would have dumped me for being such a shy idiot. Am I shy? Nah don't think so...definitely not shy...But coming to the point...Miyu's not just any other girl, she's MIYU...and that's what makes me worried. She is not a person who will tell her problems out easily. So, if she's got any problem with me or anything else, she would just keep quiet and not utter a word about it to me and pretend to be all happy. _

_Just like the other time where I had to literally go on my knees and irritate her (my way of getting her to tell) to let out about something that was bothering her. And I wouldn't even have known about it if weren't for Nanami. But when she did tell me about it, I really didn't know what to tell or do. In the end I just uttered an "It's okay, it will be alright"._

_Is that the reason why she does not talk to me about her problems? Am I really that unapproachable? Is it because she thinks that I can't give her a solution or is it because she thinks I can't help her in any way?_

_I have now started to think whether can I be a good boyfriend to her...whether can I really give her happiness now and in the future...Will she also be like this even after...after marriage, telling her problems to her best friend rather than her husband? But even if she tells me her problems, will I be able to give her solutions or answers...if that's what she expects? _

_Great..._

_Now I don't even know what she needs...Have I been too ignorant on my part? Have I failed to realise what she needs? Or have I been too busy teasing her that I forgot to realise that at the end of the day that she is a normal girl and she has got problems like any other girl would have? How do I explain this prickling feeling that maybe I don't know Miyu as well I should know her?_

_I know it's strange but somehow I really wish that okāsan was here so that she could give me some advice...she is a woman after all, and she should know how another woman will feel._

_Miyu...I know deep inside, she is just like any other girl, wanting to be hugged, kissed or at least having her hands being held by someone and stuff like that...It's been five years already but I'm still an amateur in that department... I don't know whether I can give her what she wants..._

_I think I...I don't deserve someone like her...Should I just let her go so that she can find someone who-_

_-Kanata Saionji_

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><p>She slammed the diary on the table, her eyes fixed on the book unwavering.<p>

_Damn, this tears..._

_That Idiot..._

Is this the reason why he had been really quiet these days? He has not even been talking to me properly. That jerk! acting all oblivious when he have such thinking at heart. Is he really planning to-

At that time, as the character in question, I made my appearance by opening the door to my room. Slightly alarmed by the appearance of someone whom I did not expect at my room, I called out to her.

"Oi, Miyu? What are you doing in my room?"

At the age of nineteen, our definition of an argument had a totally different meaning. We had been reduced to big softies. Instead of the loud and noisy arguments we always had when we were fourteen, it was now reduced to silent arguments with few words or sometimes things being thrown around which is mostly initiated by Miyu(Did I mention that Miyu has the ability of super strength whenever she is angry).

Today was the latter. A bottle which was standing innocently on the table flew across the room and hit my stomach with precise aim. I clutched my stomach in obvious pain.

"Ouch! What was that for woman?" I asked with an irritated tone and face alike.

"What was that for eh? You should very well know than to feign ignorance" she said, simultaneously taking another object within reach, a book.

Now, the room turned in to a field for a match of one-sided dodge ball. From random sheets of paper, to a calendar, to mangas everything was thrown at my direction and as defenceless as I was, I could do nothing but to dodge every attempted attack. Nothing in the table was spared. The last item available on the table was the diary and without any hesitation, Miyu took it and threw it with all her might and strength.

Knowing very well what the item was, instead of letting it past, I took an attempt and successfully caught it.

"What is my diary doin-Wasn't it in my cupboar-You read my diary Miyu?" I asked incredulously mentally answering the first two questions by myself.

Miyu just turned her back on me with an _hmpfh_.

"If this how you're going to be then fine! What is it with you anyway?"

"Yep this is how I am going to be, since you don't know what my problem is then why don't you dump me and go find yourself another woman!" Miyu screamed, her voice faltering at the end.

*SILENCE*

"So, you did read my diary..."

All I got was a nonchalant sniff for that. I couldn't help but to sigh. Nope, I was not mad at her for going through my stuff because hello we are talking about Miyu here, the nosy girl who can't keep her hands to herself. I have gotten used to the fact that my private things will never be private with this girl in the household. In fact, I had gotten used to it so much that it was hard for me to let go. Why should I? She's mine right? But of course I would never admit that to her, after all who am I? The stoic Kanata Saionji, the person with no romantic emotions, well at least that's what Miyu thinks. I chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Miyu now sporting a pout, her head turned to steal a sideway glance at me, her eyes a bit glassy.

"So, you think I am going to find another woman because I don't know what's wrong with you?"

Now, it was the start of our silent arguments. It was quiet compared to the war field five minutes ago.

_I'm just gonna try..._

_Slowly but definitely I'm gonna change..._

I sighed again. I was going to take a step as a real man to the reality that I am up. I'm not getting any younger. I walked up to Miyu who was still having her back on me and slowly wrapped my arms around her waist pulling her close to me so that there won't be any gap between her back and my chest. There wasn't a situation where I had been as nerve-wrecked as this. I knew she gasped because of the sudden contact but she said nothing more.

"I repeat my question; do u really think I am going to find another woman just because I don't know what's wrong with you?" my voice now reduced to a hushed whisper, I rested my face near hers so that my mouth will be closer to her ear.

"Well, that's what you...you wrote right?" Miyu looked down while mumbling through her words.

"Baka..." I sighed.

There was silence until she spoke again.

"Sorry...shouldn't have read it..." even her voice had turned in to nothing but a mere whisper. She put her arms atop mine slowly. Since it had come to this point, I decided to be honest with her.

"You don't have to be sorry Miyu...just promise me that if you have any problem, tell me so that I will know, so that I can share it with you, if I let you suffer alone then...there is no point in me being here...We are nineteen already, I just want to be a better person to you because..."

I waited a few rapid heartbeats to finish off.

"Because...I want to know everything about the person who is going to be my life partner."

"Kanata?" she gasped, her voice was filled with obvious surprise at the sudden statement. Even I was surprised at the confession of my true feelings and emotions. She turned her head sideways to look at me. Although I was red in the face, I could not help but to look at her and smile, because man, it definitely felt good to finally let it off my chest.

I knew that she understood what I meant when I saw her nodding and closing her eyes to let those tears fall. She smiled and rested her head on my chest. It was true when I said that I wanted her to be my life partner.

"I promise..."

A comfortable silence enveloped us but it wasn't long till she spoke again.

"But do you know why is it that I don't tell you my problems?...It's because you don't tell me yours...I want to know and share your problems too...So, can you promise me that you will do the same?" she whispered while gently squeezing my arms with her hands.

"Hehe, don't you already get to know my problems by reading my diary?" but before I could even get a retort or possibly a smack I added on by saying,

"But I promise..."

"Baka...And also...I don't think you are shy...maybe just uncomfortable...I can wait till you are comfortable enough...let's take one step at a time..." I realised that she actually meant the little actions of affections that I could not display because of certain reasons. I repeat I am not shy! She then tilted her head upwards to look at me smiling. I was totally taken aback by the reaction. I mean this was the first time I have seen Miyu smiling with her face so close to me. Yea, my face was literally next to hers. I couldn't help but be awestruck as I could see every tiny detail of her face. From her eyebrows, to her eyelashes, to her eyes, nose, mouth, everything. God, she has changed so much to what she was five years ago. I have to admit she was beautiful then but now she looked like an angel. Of course the devil inside of her doesn't show but you get my point.

_You can't stare at her forever Kanata, go on and do it you moron._

_Don't be an anti-climatic jerk and just do it._

Voices in my head started to gang up on me. I had just passed the first test. Still had another one ungraded. I was actually feeling really nervous right now. Well, talking was easy but to put the talking in to action was something I was weak at. But sooner or later, I had to do it, why not now. The mood was pretty romantic anyway. Well, apart from the messy room, the night sky view from the window made it a pretty sight.

"Miyu..." I called out as I turned her around so that she will face me.

"Hm?"

I stared at her, my face not betraying my emotions and of course my inner dilemma.

_Here goes nothing..._

Instead of the clichéd movie scenes where the hero slowly leans in for a kiss, with a deep breath I quickly but without any hesitation placed my lips over hers closing my eyes tight. I was sure she was surprised. But as the element of surprise died down, we got in to the right track as I cupped her cheeks with both of my hands and she putting her arms around my back to complete the final picture. If confessing to her felt good, kissing her felt a million times better.

As we broke apart, seeing her cherry red face I made another promise to myself. I solemnly swear that I will kiss and hug Miyu more. It is not that I have never kissed or hugged her before but it's just that I don't do it regularly. I only do that when I have a reason to do so, like when it's her birthday, when she's down and need some cheering up, New Year's Day or other special occasions. But I just realised that these actions are done to show that you love and care for a person right? They don't need a specific reason or occasion to be done. As cheesy as it may sound, I realised what I have been missing out thus, I will carry out the promise. Now, that is one promise I know I won't break. Of course I won't tell that to Miyu. I don't want another dose of her super strength and a red cheek.

"Oops...I think I made a big mess out of your room" Miyu's said looking around her guilty, her sheepish voice jolting me to reality.

"Well, you sure did. It's time for you to clean up what you started."

"It's your fault that this mess started, so you do it."

"Nope, you do it woman, I'm getting out of here!"

As I turned to run away, she quickly grabbed my arm with both of her hands.

"Let's clean it up together" she whispered, her tone gentle.

I turned my head to look at her. The request as innocent as it was, I liked how it sounded. I gave a sigh and smiled and she smiled afterwards.

"Then, let's start!" we cheered ourselves on as we cleaned up the battle ground.

olOlolOlolOlo

As I put the last of the papers in its rightful place on the table, I noticed my diary and stared thoughtfully at it.

"I think I won't need you for a very long time, maybe never" I said to myself as I opened my cupboard and put it in a corner.

"All done!" I heard the voice behind me say.

I smiled. Man, I have been smiling way too much today. I guess I just became a happier man.

"Let' go out for dinner" I said turning to face her.

Her face showed signs of surprise but that didn't last as she smiled turning crimson. She looked down and said "Su..Sure" slowly.

I love how she goes all red in the face with shyness.

olOlolOlolOlo

I chuckled as the memory came to an end. Five years have passed and for a fact, I am still keeping up with the promise.

"Your receptionist told me that you are busy, but it seems that someone is pretty free that he even has time for a nap?" the voice made me open my eyes. I looked straight and was surprised to see her at the door.

"Miyu? Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"Silly, it's already seven in the evening, my work is over and rightfully so is yours" she replied walking over to the side of the desk where i was sitting.

"Totally forgot about the time" I sighed closing my eyes while rubbing my forehead.

When I got no reply, I opened my eyes and looked up at her.

"You shouldn't work this hard. All those late nights at work...You're just ruining your health" she said putting her hand on my cheek, her face showing sadness and concern.

I smirked as I stood up from my chair. I pulled her close and without any warning gave her a short kiss after which tracing my fingers along her cheek.

"Hmm...If you are willing to entertain me then I don't mind spending my nights at home and not at the office" I whispered looking at her seductively, my smirk still in place.

As I saw her grow red, I got ready for a beating.

"Pervert..." she whispered frowning while smacking my arm hard. She pulled away from me clearly embarrassed and started walking towards the door. Did I mention how much I love it when she goes all red in the face?

"Hey I was just joking, wait up!" I laughed as I caught up to her and grabbed her hand.

Despite herself, she smiled as she entwined her fingers with mine.

"There's a new restaurant nearby, let's have dinner there before heading back...Anyway how was work today?" I asked her while walking to the exit, our hands still entwined.

I smiled as she talked animatedly about her day at work at the kindergarten. To put it simply, she is the only person who can make me smile like this even when I'm tired. It is true when they say that love can change a person. But for me personally, it's not love that changed me, but the person who i love...Miyu, who changed me. Sincerely saying, she truly did wonders in my life.

olOlolOlolOlo

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><p>Phew! There all done!<p>

After a really long hiatus of 11 months+, i decided to write a one-shot which was stuck in my head for a long time! :)

I decided to make Kanata'a personality a little different...I think...I hope it's different lol!

Please do review! I love you people! ^^

-Khatzdaax3


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